Actually, that’s misleading from the start, sorry. Today’s moderate level of suffering was solely the responsibility of white wine, but I don’t know a song about that, or a film and I’ve got to stick to my theme.  Even if rather loosely.  I’ll cook prawns in a red wine sauce for dinner in a bit if that makes you feel better.  Actually, that’s not true either because it’s nine o’clock and I should be going back to bed soon.  I will be eating a blueberry swirl ice cream as I type.  Just to keep you updated.

Shall I start again?

Probably best.

Today I think I’ve had my first hangover in about 9 years.  I got in from the bar at about 3, woke up at 6 needing the loo (like you need to know) had some water and – probably a mistake – a chocolate orange brownie.  I tried to have the sensible bacon sandwiches but that didn’t happen for a good six hours.  I’ve been tired, a little bit shaky from too much of a sugar rush and have spent the day very productively in bed watching Elementary and Southland.  For those of you who don’t know, Elementary is a modern-day Sherlock Holmes tv series set in New York with Johnny Lee Miller as Holmes and Lucy Liu as Joan Watson his sober companion.  It’s not as good as Sherlock but I like it.  Southland is a tv series about police in South Central LA.  It has Ben McKenzie (AKA Ryan ‘Fists of Fury’ Attwood from the OC) in it and is a better show, but harder to watch when feeling delicate.  Another show that has graced my computer screen today is Hart of Dixie, with Rachel Bilson (also OC) but by far the best is Grey’s Anatomy.  I love it, it’s trashy, it’s melodramatic, they keep killing off my favourite characters, but I can watch it over and over again whenever I am feeling like crap and it cheers me up.  When I run out of new episodes I go back to series 1 and start again…

Sorry, tangent, that happens when I’m eating ice cream.

So I’m (most likely) hung over because it was my birthday yesterday and I had a fair bit of white wine.  I had six glasses, which is not much for some, but since I’m normally sober as a judge after drinking whiskey all night, I forgot that white wine is not my friend.  It’s not even someone I went to school with when I was 11 that I used to get on with that has recently tried to get back in touch on Facebook.  No, white wine is like the types of film that I know I hate watching but can’t help doing so – you know, ones like Enemy of the State or The Game (sorry Chloe if you’re reading you just lost it again) where you can’t escape from the problems that are going on because it’s THE GOVERNMENT OR SOMEONE WHO CAN CHANGE BANK ACCOUNTS AND THINGS THAT IS AFTER YOU!!!! I watch those films knowing that I’ll end up feeling very uncomfortable and unsatisfied but that there’s bits I’ll like in the middle.  I never learn.

I went off track again a bit didn’t I?  That’s been the gist of the day really, intending to do stuff that’s useful and instead ending up lying on my bed or sofa going ‘Agggghhhhhhhhh’.  Very Bridget Jones.  Except I don’t have two men fighting over me.  Or do I?  No. I really don’t.

Part of the downfall of last night is that I didn’t learn from last year…

Last year I sat down for most of the night whilst drinking almost, no all, of the bottle of wine that Emma bought me.  I may have felt obligated to drink a couple fo shots that were bought for me against my better judgement.  We may have then gone onto another pub where I had some whiskey before the zig zag walk home accompanied by my own singing.  When I got into my flat, having climbed the three floors of square spiralling stairs (I had decided that no, the lift would not be a good idea as it would make me sick a bit) I very diligently went to wash my face, brush my teeth and have a wee before putting myself to bed like a civilized 28 year old.  I failed.  I sat in the bathroom on the toilet with my head against the sink trying to stop the garish pink room with no natural light (not my decor choice) from spinning.  It didn’t.  I was sick in the sink a  bit and then I fell asleep with my forehead against the porcelain.  I slept, for a minute, two, actually about half an hour.

The problem is that with white wine I don’t feel drunk, yes I get a bit loud and silly, but the same thing happens if I eat a whole packet full of Refreshers.  Instead I do what Billy Connolly once described, I get drunk from the feet up.  So sitting down and drinking means I have no reliable way of judging how I am doing.

Last night we were sitting again.  I do that a lot, but this time it was because we had gone to eat Tepanyaki by the lake.  Everyone got a bit dressed up except me – I went for the slightly messy festival look because I can’t straighten my hair since I cut it with kitchen scissors a fortnight ago – another story for another time.  As we walked down to the little hut where they cook it the birthday banner was up with a selection of balloons – I had to sit at the chair with the traditional balloon cluster of one long and two round, make whate of thatver you will.

As the Tanzanian lady – a very, very good chef – prepared the food on the hot plate before us, I kept on drinking the wine.  We had potato cakes (onion sauce), prawns (soy sauce, I rebelled and had the satay!), calamari, fish, chicken and beef before a cacophony of singing from the main bar area alerted me to the arrival of cake.  One provided by the owner, Manjeet, ta very much, and the other cooked by the ladies that live downstairs from me.  Both were tasty, but I think the home-made ginger chocolate cake had the edge.

We moved up to the main bar where I was given a bottle of whiskey (I didn’t mix and match my drinks last night, it didn’t help though) and to cut a longish and moderately dull story short, after pretending to be serious and Harry Potter and answering Boy’s Night questions (I’ll never tell)  I got home at about 3 and then stayed up waiting for a response to a text message that never came.  Although today I had a phone call and an email saying I had been bought Spaced series 1 and 2 on itunes.  So I’ll forgive the lack of texts.

It’s been an hour since I started this and I’ve been bitten nearly everywhere I could be by mosquitos so I’ll take a pause for sleep and Grey’s Anatomy and get to the point tomorrow for you….