I was ill last week with a horrible bug.  I’ll not go into details but it wasn’t pleasant.  And whenever I’m ill something horrendous happens to my face and my hair.  All nutrients and good stuff that get whizzed around by the little red and white blood cells get re-deployed to fight whatever is battering me.  I picture it like this:

If you want to understand how it works, then this instructional video will definitely help.  Despite watching days, weeks, probably months of House, ER, Grey’s Anatomy and all that jazz, this is still how I picture the inside of my body.  I love those red blood cells.  I’m far too susceptible to TV programmes.

Anyway, by Saturday I was almost feeling normal and the only way I could make myself fell almost human again was to get my hair cut.  I’ve been growing it since last January, only having a small trim and getting my fringe cut in, so that’s what I planned to have done again.  Or get it cut really short, one or the other.

It started reasonably well, with the bleach going on to boost my red and blue streaks, the brown going on to sort out all the grey roots.  I chatted to the lady, she seemed quite busy.  I said that I was going to try and keep it long and to get some long layers in.

At 2.40 my dye had not been washed off, I still needed the cut and the blow dry.  I explained that as I “…have a very round face…” it’s not best to make my hair mega straight it just looks really odd, that I have a centre parting at the moment, despite it being side this morning and that it’s a blunt straight fringe in the middle.  No problem, she said, just a trim and a few layers and tidy the fringe. Yep, all good. Except that they were meant to close at 3.

So at 2.45 she began drying my hair, gave me a very off centre parting. It could almost be described as far right, but not quite like that. Then came the GHDs, straightening my hair until it was almost non existant and flat against my round, round face.  Then the scissors came out and, snip!, there went my hair, gone, slicing my ‘long layers’ to half of their original length.  But it didn’t end there.  The razor comb came out and she LAYERED MY FRINGE!!  When would you ever layer a fringe? A straight, blunt fringe.  A formally straight, blunt fringe.  Now it was a side sweepy, layered fringe.  A LAYERED FRINGE!  DEAR GOD!

I could have spoken up, but by this time it was 3.25 and you can’t stick hair back on.  And what good would it have done?

There are, thankfully, no pictures of this interesting monstrosity, instead, I’d like you to picture a cross between Noel Fielding, Joan Jett, Suzi Quatro, Eva Amurri in Saved and Saffron from Republica (who the original look was based on).  If you aren’t sure who all of these people are, then here you go:

It’s not all lost, I’ve washed it and it’s not so horrendous now, but it’s not going to be easy to grow it to this sort of glorious length:

On the plus side, I wore my new glasses for a bit today and was told by Claire I reminded her of Jessica Day from New Girl:

Special.

Just incase you want to watch, here’s Noel Fielding in The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2006, so you get the sense of the hair.  But there is strong language about 5 mins in and very disturbing images at 6 mins.