You make me wanna throw my pager out the window

I’ve been on online dating site for about a year now.  I had one site recommended to me by a friend who had met her husband through it.  I’ve not had any luck with it, perhaps because of its matching procedure – people’s answers to questions are sometimes prescribed and sound really tired and annoying.  It might be because I’m picky or because I don’t put myself across well online, who knows?

So I’ve signed up to another site which I got quite excited by initially – so many attractive men nearby – hooray!  (I’m also reading their profiles, not just focusing on looks) I’ve sent out a good number of messages to people, a couple have replied, so that’s nice.  I’ve also had a number of messages from guys I’ve not replied to yet.  I feel a bit bad about that, but I don’t want to lead people on, nor send a message that basically says ‘Yeah, not so much thanks…’ because that seems harsh.  Perhaps that’s better than not doing anything, I’ll have a think.

The worst message I’ve received so far is ‘Hey babes, I’d let you domm me anytime.’ 

Firstly, we’re going with a pet name, a plural at that and secondly, no small talk?  No light hearted chatting to get to no someone? Straight into a rubbishy come on.  He’s been blocked. 

The best message has been ‘Hello, I have my own do-be-de-do card.
Just fancied showing off a little.’

This may not seem the most impressive to you, but it shows me a number of things…

1) He’s read my profile and has spotted the Black Books reference.

2) It’s vaguely amusing.

3) There’s no pervy undertones. Hooray!  

Anyway, since I’ve not been on any *actual* dates from online dating, I thought I’d send out a request for stories from people who have met up with someone from one of these sites.  I got some really funny stories so thought I’d share them with you…

“Online dating – great for trawling through pages of blokes whilst sat in your pjs, drinking tea and not having to bother to wash your hair. Ground work is done by sending a few messages and then deciding if you can actually be bothered to meet up.

“Been on a few dates from a dating website – one was almost a disaster as it POURED with rain on the way and I got properly soaked running from the train station to where we were supposed to be meeting. He was supposed to know the restaurant we were going to, but had no idea where it was, so both ended up falling into a random Thai place looking like drowned rats. No second date followed.

“I did end up going out with someone for around 6 months having met online. Our first date was fun – met in a shopping centre for coffee and ended up going shoe shopping – for him! He needed new shoes for a wedding that weekend but wanted to also be able to wear them with dark jeans. I happened to be wearing dark jeans on our date so I volunteered to try the shoes on to see if they went with my jeans. Cue lots of giggles from me, my date and the shop staff as I clomped around in a pair of size 10 shoes. Result was him with a new pair of shoes and me with a second date!”

“After the last 6 months of trying to find ‘the one’ I have been told I should write my own book on my issues with online dating!!!

“1. I had a message from a 79 year old telling me he wanted to show me how a gentleman should treat a lady!! eeeww!!

“2. Went on a date where he turned up and told me we could not have food as he had no money! Lol

“3. One date where the guy threw a bag at me and muttered something! It was “This is the first embarrassing thing to happen to you” inside the bag was were roses and chocolates so I did think awwwwwww, went into pub and as I went to sit down he flew across the table to kiss me, resulting in me jumping a mile, nearly ended up on the floor and he ended up biting my shoulder by accident!

“I have no idea “he was special” lol never had an experience like it before!!!

“6 months later I am still single and have deleted my online profile……………. says it all really”

“Well it all started for me through encouragement from a friend really so I thought I’d give it a go.  At first I was quite shocked by the number of men who were desperate to message a picture of private areas and who didn’t think it would make me run a mile!  

“Initially I found it really demoralising until I realised that honesty really is hte best policy with it and that to cut a lot of awkward situations out I needed to get them and myself to lay the cards out on the table.  So I became quite happy checking that it was not just about sex etc… I had a string of little back and forth chats and a few dates.  I felt that a lot that I had gone out with were incredibly needy or had a story that meant it was all about them!

“One guy was really keen, as was I and then just suddenly disappeared after about 4 or 5 dates.  No contact, nothing.  I was quite down about it as I naturally assume it was something I’d done!  Valentine’s Day (4 months later) he emailed declaring he couldn’t stop thinking about me etc.  I told him to do one! I figured the ex came back on the scene!

“Another was a little over familiar too soon for my liking.  Wanted to meet my parents! I think it was his way of trying to prove he wasn’t a weirdo hen in actual fact he was.  I guess I then decided enough was enough and this wasn’t working…  Until I got brave! (And less specific!) I realised that I was making it all about them and not about me.  I had to remember that for every time I didn’t get a like, I wasn’t liking someone else and began to be a bit more resilient.  I was now prepared to ask awkward questions to stop people wasting my time!  I was prepared to do it on mt timescale.  I respect people who just want to go on to meet up for sex but be honest about it.  I decided to ‘like’ someone who I really wanted to find a connection with.  Not just wait for someone to like me first or choose someone I thought was in my league.

“And I chose my now husband!  We emailed for a couple of months back and forth (my plan) and then exchanged personal emails and numbers and spoke for a further month or so.  I guess I now knew that we both really liked each other on paper, were prepared to put the time into this and could meet on an equal footing.  As far as we were concerned as long as everything added up when we met all would be great! And it was!”

I’ll keep you updated with how my search is going, anyone else got any stories to share?

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