You were only waiting for this moment to be free

At 19.26 on a rainy day in February I shut and locked the front door, skipped back into the sitting room and did a tiny little dance and squeal because I was so happy I couldn’t really express it in any other way.  I did a quick run round the house, a bit like Annie during the song ‘I think I’m gonna like it here’ in the 1982 film, but with far fewer domestic staff and in a much shorter time.

 

So why was this?

Well, it turns out that so far, 2019 had been a really positive year for me.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I was happy.  So that’s change number one.  I think I was pretty happy and contented with myself already but it’s been bolstered by change number 2, my lovely boyfriend, David, who I started seeing around New Year.  He’s just excellent and I will probably talk about him another day when I’ve got approval to do so.

 

Change number three, I’d booked myself things to do throughout the year, including a trip to Machynlleth Comedy Festival with David and then various folk festivals.  I’m offering to Feed a Folkie or Cater a Comic (I’ll be setting up a separate page about this soon), I’d got tickets to Take That, the Spice Girls and the Guilty Feminist.  Lots of things to be looking forward to throughout the year which I think really helps with my general state of mental health and well being.

 

Change number four, which prompted my excited dancing after the closing of the door is that my ex-boyfriend had finally moved out.  We broke up in mid 2017 but stayed living together because we got on well still at that point, and couldn’t really afford not to live together, but for the last year things had started to deteriorate. We did fewer things together, he started speaking to me less and the atmosphere became very tense, oppressive and unhappy.  I asked him back in May 2018 to move out.  He had moved into the house with me and pretty much everything here is mine, so it made more sense for him to go.  He agreed that it wasn’t the best living situation and that he should move and I felt like a weight had been lifted.

 

The agreement was for him to move in October, I had someone ready to move in but he didn’t.  It got increasingly more frustrating, Hannah was waiting to move, I was waiting to move on with my life.  For months I’d felt like I couldn’t have friends round, what if I started seeing someone, I didn’t feel at home in my own home and started to feel very resentful.  In November and December I started to just get people to come over, I cooked, hosted, we played kazoo games.  I didn’t want to feel like I was putting my life on hold anymore.

It had taken a long time, but he’s finally gone.  I don’t wish him ill, but I think we’ll both be better off out of a negative situation.  I just feel so free and I’m so excited about what’s to come.

 

 

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