Today I woke up at 5am crying.  I’ve had about 15 hours sleep at most in the last three days, I’m hot, clammy and now I feel like someone is hacking apart my insides.  Why is this? I got my bloody period again, that’s why.

When I started going out with the last boyfriend I went back on the pill, it’s a marvellous thing, not only would it help to prevent unwanted pregnancy, but it was one that I took everyday so it effectively stopped my periods and therefore stopped the period pain that went with it.   About a year and a half ago I stopped taking the pill because I had stopped having a boyfriend, after he stopped having sex with me, and so didn’t really need it in terms of preventing pregnancy.  I’d forgotten about the pain relief aspect.  I actually went cold turkey, apparently that’s not the best way to do it but I did, and for about three weeks I was moody, snappish, irritable and horrible to be around.  I suppose this was part of my hormones re-balancing, but it really sucked.

But let’s go back to the beginning.  In the summer of 1996, when I was twelve, I went on a morris dancing holiday around the south of Ireland with my Mum and her team.  On the Tuesday I woke up with terrible pain in my belly, went for my morning wee and was horrified to see blood when I wiped.  It was truly traumatic.  And the worst pain I could ever remember experiencing.  I was surprised that it was happening, although Mum had told me about it a few years before, something along the lines of “One day there will be some blood between your legs and it might hurt a bit, but don’t worry it’s normal.”  I didn’t tell her when it happened.  I was in pain and a bit ashamed and scared and so I stuffed toilet roll into my pants and said I didn’t feel well so they went on a sightseeing day and left me in bed.

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